Lustful Eyes
by The Tyrant King Kong
Summary: Ron has thoughts about Harry, warning dark htoughts, death and suicide yada yada. Told in first person from Ron POV. Indication of H/R but not serious...as of yet. Go on R/R


            A/N: Another search project thing I'm running.  Sure hope this one sparks an interest.  Indication of Ron/Harry but it's nothing serious… as of yet.  Well, not much to say here so read on my young padowan learners.  Say I must before read this you will.  Rock does Yoda.

            I must stop thinking these thoughts about him.  He's so graceful though.  Oh shit, what am I talking about he's practically my brother.  That is, I've known him since I was eleven and I'm most likely his first friend and, I hope, his best.  He's so sexy, prancing around the common room like that…  Oh god there I go again.  I can't think of him this way!  Why is this happening to me?  I'm not interested in guys!  But his eyes are so brilliantly green, and how they shine in the candlelight…  It seems as if I can't think for more than five minutes without fantasizing stuff I shouldn't about him.

            Oh no, he's coming over to me.  I hate it when he does that.  Everyday he walks over to me and sits right next to me in the same place and talks about homework.  Always homework.  But there is a good side to when he does this.  He bats his long eyelashes at me, and smiles.  His smile is sardonic and morbid but at the same time erotic and delicious.  It's only then do I realize he is smiling at Hermoine who is seated behind me.  I blush every time but he does not seem to notice.  He's too involved with his fawning over Hermoine.  I must say she is a very pretty girl, but her eyes are a mere drip in the vast lake that is Harry's eyes.  These feelings for him get stronger and more lustful as night progresses and I often find myself "relieving stress".  More like relieving sexual tension.  I must stop this it's insane.  If this got out, oh would Fred and George have a field day on this one.  I've come to realize that trusting a twin with one of your secrets is like playing Russian Roulette with five bullets in the gun.  Chances are you're gonna get pinned.

            He's moving towards me oh god.  What am I going to do?  No wait I mustn't jump to conclusions.  He's walking towards Hermoine, how could I be so stupid as to think he would come to me?  He's whispering something in her ear, but I cannot hear what.  I know she likes what Harry is saying due to the devilish smile that falters across her face.  He walks away from her and points a finger at her and then at himself, beckoning her to him.  I have a feeling I know what they are going to do and it's a good thing for them it is Christmas break.  I only hope he's realizing the potential danger in what he is doing.  Sure he's sixteen, but in a wizarding world where is he going to get the protection?  What am I talking about, there's doubtless a potion or something for that.

            So he's left me alone again.  The common room is cold when he is not around.  He carries a feeling of warmth about him and I am much more comfortable when he is with me.  Well, I can't stop my feelings now.  Soon they will take complete control of me and I will no longer be able to hold them back.  He better be ready when I come bursting in the door lustfully.  That was exactly what I needed.  To blow off some steam, of course I would never interrupt what he is, or who he is doing.  I feel so alone.  I am lonely when no one is around.  Well that sounded stupid of course you'd be lonely when no one's around.  Being with someone you hate is far better than being alone.  I am so tired.  I need to rest.

            I have often thought about giving up my life.  Let's face it, I come from a poor family, my twin brothers haven't opened up their joke shop yet so no money is to be found there and all my school supplies are hand-me-down pieces of junk.  I feel as if Harry is ignoring me altogether.  He's concentrating on Hermoine and all his schoolwork too much to spare any time for me.  He never laughs at my jokes anymore he just grimaces.  It's almost as if he thinks I am a disgusting worm.  I've played Russian Roulette upwards of ten times.  It seems fate has it in for me.  I've thought about using a wand to eliminate my life.  There is no such thing has chicken while using a wand.  Once you've done it, you've done it.  I've also often wondered what death is like.  Do you go to heaven or hell?  Are you reincarnated as a butterfly or perhaps another human in a way like the Dalai Llama?  Too often have I thought about this.  My dark thoughts have frequently returned to me during times least expected.  That's enough; I'm going to my dormitory and sleeping.

            I walk slowly up the stairs and stop at the very stop because of a strange wobble and a noise of clinking glass.  I sneak in making sure not to have the door squeak.  Such a pleasant sight.  Two teenagers at it in a dormitory.  And they're using my bed!  The nerve!  I cannot watch this but breaking it up would only mean that I was watching.  A twisted triangle.  I can't pull my eyes away from the marveled site.  It's then when Harry rolls over and looks towards the door, the door I am standing at.  I hide my face in shame, knowing it would not do much good and duck under the shadows.  His roving eyes follow me through the gloom.  Our eyes meet.  There is a sparkle in his eye and I cannot break the lock.  He rolls off Hermoine suggesting she get back to her dormitory in case I come up to investigate.  She pouts off and he climbs into his bed.  Stealthily, I crawl to my own bed and lay down for a good night's rest.  I can I sleep though?  My best friends were having intercourse and I was watching them!  And he is aware of it!

            "I saw you watching," his voice juts through he still air, causing my heart to race.

            "What," I say back to him pretending I did not have any clue as to what they were doing.

            "You were watching us.  I saw you don't deny it."

            "Watching you do what," I lie knowing it won't make a difference.

            "You know what I am talking about," he snaps impatiently.

            "Obviously not," I continue to fib.

            "I hate you," he says as he pulls back the curtains to his bed

            I hate you.  The words sting me like a wasp.  I hate you, it was true, and he hated me with all his feelings at that point.  It brands me like a cow prod.  It's in my heart and I'll never forget what he said.  But then again, most of the time when people say I hate you it means they harbor a love for the person they have said it to.  Could that be so?  No it can't, the way he looks at Hermoine…

            I could be wrong though.  The way he looked at me just before they stopped.  His eyes were confused but still had the sparkle to them.  The way he looked at me, the way he looked…

            I wake up in the middle of the night and find a shadowy figure hovering over me.  My heart flutters rapidly and a quick burst of adrenaline pours through me.  Jesus!  It stands there looking at me.

            "Hello," I ask shakily.

            "Oh Ron I'm sorry," it mumbles and I can hear a sob in its voice.

            "Harry?" I inquire.

            But the figure whom I suspect is Harry; its voice was definitely male leaps in my arms and I am taken aback.  Harry, as I finally realize whom it is because of his bottle green eyes shining in the moonlight, collapses on to me sobbing.  I return the hug, not knowing what else to do.  This could be my chance.

            No!  I must not I should not manipulate him!  He has come to me for support; I think.  It would be wrongful to manipulate him in his weakened state.

            "I'm sorry," he says between sobs, "I'm sorry for ever ignoring you.  I'm sorry for ignoring you in times of need.  I was too involved with Hermoine to remember my other best friend."  I am shocked at what he has said.

            "Oh no Harry," I exclaim, "Don't blame it all upon yourself!  Though you have been ignoring you I'll never count you out as an enemy."  His imploring green eyes turn from my arms and into mine own.

            "I love you Ron."  Uh oh.  That's a definite sign f something, I'm just not sure what.  But then, he's saying he loves me as in friends.  What will he say in the morning?

            "I love you too Harry," I mutter with my ears turning pink.  He embraces me tighter.  So I'm stuck here with my best friend in my arms.  I wonder what Fred and George would say if they saw us like this?  He breaks the grasp and sits back suddenly.

            "Oh my god," he cries probably realizing what he just said.  "Oh my god, what did I say?"

            Whoops!  What am I to do?  Tell him what he said?  Yes that seems reasonable.  "You said you loved me."  Well that was embarrassing.

            "Oh no oh no.  I need to sleep," he says almost as if he is speaking to himself.  He crawls off the bed and clambers into drifting off to sleep in a matter of seconds.  He sure can off and sleep when something serious happen.

            It is here that I lay down my quill and go to sleep.

A/N: Well you can tell me if you want more.  And you can do so in the review J


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